Introduction

WHO IS A MEDIATOR (INFP)?

A Mediator (INFP) is someone who possesses the Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Prospecting personality traits. These rare personality types tend to be quiet, open-minded, and imaginative, and they apply a caring and creative approach to everything they do.

Although they may seem quiet or unassuming, Mediators (INFPs) have vibrant, passionate inner lives. Creative and imaginative, they happily lose themselves in daydreams, inventing all sorts of stories and conversations in their minds. These personalities are known for their sensitivity – Mediators can have profound emotional responses to music, art, nature, and the people around them.

Idealistic and empathetic, Mediators long for deep, soulful relationships, and they feel called to help others. But because this personality type makes up such a small portion of the population, Mediators may sometimes feel lonely or invisible, adrift in a world that doesn’t seem to appreciate the traits that make them unique.

All that is gold does not glitter; not all those who wander are lost; the old that is strong does not wither; deep roots are not reached by the frost.J. R. R. TOLKIEN

The Gift of Empathy

Mediators share a sincere curiosity about the depths of human nature. Introspective to the core, they’re exquisitely attuned to their own thoughts and feelings, but they yearn to understand the people around them as well. Mediators are compassionate and nonjudgmental, always willing to hear another person’s story. When someone opens up to them or turns to them for comfort, they feel honored to listen and be of help.

For Mediators, an ideal relationship of any kind is one in which both people feel comfortable sharing not just their wildest hopes and dreams but also their secret fears and vulnerabilities.

Empathy is among this personality type’s greatest gifts, but at times it can be a liability. The troubles of the world weigh heavily on Mediators’ shoulders, and these personalities can be vulnerable to internalizing other people’s negative moods or mindsets. Unless they learn to set boundaries, Mediators may feel overwhelmed by just how many wrongs there are that need to be set right.

Speaking Their Truth

Few things make Mediators more uneasy than pretending to be someone they aren’t. With their sensitivity and their commitment to authenticity, people with this personality type tend to crave opportunities for creative self-expression. It comes as no surprise, then, that many famous Mediators are poets, writers, actors, and artists. They can’t help but muse about the meaning and purpose of life, dreaming up all sorts of stories, ideas, and possibilities along the way.

Mediators have a talent for self-expression. They may reveal their innermost thoughts and secrets through metaphors and fictional characters.

Through these imaginative landscapes, Mediators can explore their own inner nature as well as their place in the world. While this is a beautiful trait, these personalities sometimes show a tendency to daydream and fantasize rather than take action. To avoid feeling frustrated, unfulfilled, or incapable, Mediators need to make sure that they take steps to turn their dreams and ideas into reality.

In Search of a Calling

People with this personality type tend to feel directionless or stuck until they connect with a sense of purpose for their lives. For many Mediators, this purpose has something to do with uplifting others and their ability to feel other people’s suffering as if it were their own. While Mediators want to help everyone, they need to focus their energy and efforts – otherwise, they can end up exhausted.

Fortunately, like flowers in the spring, Mediators’ creativity and idealism can bloom even after the darkest of seasons. Although they know the world will never be perfect, Mediators still care about making it better however they can. This quiet belief in doing the right thing may explain why these personalities so often inspire compassion, kindness, and beauty

Strengths & Weaknesses

Mediator (INFP) Strengths

• Empathetic – Mediators don’t just care about other people in an abstract sense. These personalities can actually feel another person’s emotions, from joy and elation to sorrow and regret. Because of this sensitivity, Mediators tend to be thoughtful and kindhearted, and they hate the idea of hurting anyone, even unintentionally.
• Generous – Mediators rarely enjoy succeeding at other people’s expense. They feel called to share the good things in their lives, give credit where it’s due, and uplift the people around them. These personalities want to contribute to a world where every voice is heard and no one’s needs go unmet.
• Open-Minded – Tolerant and accepting, Mediators try not to judge anyone else’s beliefs, lifestyles, or decisions. This is a personality type that prefers compassion to fault-finding, and many Mediators feel empathy even for those who have done wrong. Because they’re so accepting, Mediators often become confidants for their friends and loved ones – and occasionally for total strangers.
• Creative – Mediators love to see things from unconventional perspectives. Few things give them more pleasure than allowing their minds to wander through all sorts of ideas and possibilities and daydreams. It’s no wonder, then, that many Mediators are drawn to creative pursuits – or that this personality type is well represented among writers and artists.
• Passionate – When an idea or movement captures their imagination, Mediators want to give their whole heart to it. People with this personality type may not always be outspoken, but that doesn’t diminish their strong feelings for a cause that speaks to their beliefs and convictions.
• Idealistic – Mediators strive to follow their conscience, even when doing the right thing isn’t easy or convenient. They rarely lose sight of their desire to live a meaningful, purpose-filled life – one that helps others and leaves the world a better place.

Mediator (INFP) Weaknesses

• Unrealistic – Nothing in this world is perfect – and that can be a difficult truth for Mediators to accept. People with this personality type can be hopeless romantics, with rose-colored visions of what their lives should be like. This can set Mediators up for disappointment when reality inevitably falls short of their dreams.
• Self-Isolating – Mediators long to connect with others, but they don’t always know how. Especially in new environments, Mediators may be reluctant to put themselves out there in ways that would help them make new friends or become involved in a new community. As a result, people with this personality type may sometimes feel lonely or isolated.
• Unfocused – Mediators’ imaginative, introspective nature doesn’t always lend itself to productivity. Many Mediators get frustrated by how difficult they find it to buckle down and get things done. The problem isn’t that they are incapable – rather, it’s that they run into problems when they become so caught up in different ideas and ideals that they fail to commit to a course of action.
• Emotionally Vulnerable – The emotional attunement of these personalities is among their greatest strengths. But unless Mediators establish boundaries, they can be at risk of absorbing other people’s negative moods or attitudes.
• Desperate to Please – Conflict tends to be stressful for Mediators, who yearn for harmony and acceptance. When someone dislikes or disapproves of them, these personalities may become fixated on trying to clear the air and change that person’s mind. Unfortunately, Mediators’ desire to please others can drain their energy, eclipsing their inner wisdom and their awareness of their own needs.
• Self-Critical – Mediators believe in their unique potential, and they desperately want to live up to it. But this can cause them to have unrealistic expectations for themselves. When Mediators fail to live up to these visions, they may accuse themselves of being useless or selfish or woefully inadequate. Taken too far, this self-criticism can discourage Mediators, leading them to give up on even their dearest dreams.

Feeling self-critical right now? Before going to the next section, scroll up to reread your strengths – and let them serve as a reminder of how much you, dear Mediator, can bring to this world.

Romantic Relationships

Mediators (INFPs) are dreamers and idealists, especially when it comes to romance. People with this personality type believe in the power and beauty of true love, and they sincerely hope never to settle for anything less.

It’s fair to say, then, that Mediators approach the world of romance with high expectations. They may have spent years daydreaming about the perfect relationship, imagining how it would feel to share their innermost selves with another person. But the reality of dating can come as something of a shock to Mediators, forcing them to grapple with a challenging question: If they want to be in a relationship, will they have to compromise on their ideals?

Hopeless Romantics

Mediators don’t just want to find a partner – they want to connect with a soul mate. Thoughtful and open-minded, these personalities are generally willing to consider going out with all sorts of people. Mediators pride themselves on their ability to look past a potential partner’s superficial traits – such as appearance, social status, or possessions – and focus on deeper, more meaningful signals of compatibility.

Mediators share a belief that two people can come together in a relationship and make each other better and happier than they were before.

But it would be a mistake to think that Mediators don’t have preconceived standards for a significant other. With their active minds and imaginations, people with this personality type tend to develop and carry with them a vision of their ideal partner – a vision that may be based on a favorite fictional character, a person they once knew, or simply the stories they’ve told themselves about how love “should” look.

When they meet someone new, most Mediators can’t help but compare that person with the ideal soul mate they’ve envisioned. Unsurprisingly, such comparisons tend to weed out more than a few potential partners. It can be difficult – if not impossible – for a real, flesh-and-blood person to live up to a Mediator’s cherished dreams.

Making an Effort

With time, many Mediators come to learn that true love doesn’t just magically happen – it takes compromise, understanding, and work. After all, no partner is perfect, and even the most beautiful relationships have their challenges. Fortunately, people with this personality type can find a great deal of joy in the effort it takes to strengthen a relationship.

When they fall in love, Mediators reveal just how much passion thrums beneath their quiet exteriors. Devoted and loyal, they nevertheless respect their partner’s independence, aiming to accept their partners as they are. That said, these personalities also want to help their partners learn, grow, and pursue their goals. Mediators are always dreaming up ways to improve themselves and the world around them, and the last thing they’d want is for their partners to feel unhappy or stuck.

Mediator personalities use their compassion and insight to understand the people they care about, and they draw on their creativity to make their partner feel special.

Many people with this personality type dedicate themselves to helping their partners improve their lives. While this is a noble goal, Mediators must be sure to keep track of their own needs and make sure that their partners are really ready to change. Provided they do so, Mediators’ support and devotion can make all the difference in their partners’ lives.

Finding What’s Real

Mediators tend to promote harmony over disagreement. Although this lends stability to their relationships, it can also lead to problems. To avoid triggering a conflict, Mediators may avoid talking openly about things that are bothering them – instead, they might mentally fixate on the problem or try to solve it on their own. They may also focus on making their partner happy, to the detriment of their own priorities and sense of self.

People with this personality type may need to remind themselves that open, honest communication is necessary in a relationship, even if it isn’t always easy. In fact, such moments of candor can transform a relationship for the better.

As long as they communicate openly, Mediators are more than capable of staying true to themselves in a relationship – and encouraging the person they care about to do the same. By bringing their whole hearts and minds to their relationships, Mediators can find out what it truly means to love and be loved.

Friendships

When it comes to their social lives, Mediators (INFPs) may find themselves caught in a web of contradictions. People with this personality type crave alone time, but they’re also vulnerable to loneliness. They long to feel accepted and well-liked, but they hate the idea of pretending to be anyone but their authentic selves. And while they hesitate to draw attention to themselves, they don’t want to be invisible, either.

The good news is that, in the company of true friends, Mediators can escape the hamster wheel of these insecurities and focus on what really matters. For these personalities, friendship is a precious commodity – an opportunity for two people to lift each other up and change each other’s lives for the better. Mediators truly believe in the old saying that “a friend in need is a friend indeed.” Few things bolster their sense of purpose like being there for someone they care about.

Perhaps because of their intense investment in these relationships, Mediators tend to feel most fulfilled by spending time with a small, intimate circle of friends. Acquaintances may come and go, but this inner circle is likely to include Mediators’ friends for life.

Searching for a Kindred Spirit

Although Mediators are warm and accepting, they don’t always find it easy to make friends. This may be because superficial, casual relationships can leave these personalities feeling a bit empty. Mediators are looking for lasting, authentic friendships with people who share their desire to think and feel deeply, to do the right thing, and to give more to the world than they take from it.

Among kindred spirits, people with this personality type feel accepted and understood, happy to be themselves and bloom in their own time.

That said, Mediators are capable of befriending all sorts of people. The combination of their Intuitive and Prospecting personality traits draws them to diverse perspectives, which helps them appreciate friends whose experiences and worldviews are totally different from their own. Mediators may actually find it invigorating to connect with someone who, on the surface, has little in common with them.

For Mediators, a true friendship is founded on shared values, not just shared experiences. People with this personality type are unlikely to form strong friendships simply out of convenience. For example, while their affection for their coworkers may be strong, just working in the same office or shop isn’t enough for Mediators to guarantee a substantial friendship. Deeper connections must come into play.

Friends for Life

When Mediators befriend someone, they may secretly (or not so secretly) hope to stay close with that person for life. These personalities are capable of strong, stable relationships marked by passionate support, subtle poetic wit, and a profound level of emotional insight. Long-standing friendships tend to draw out less obvious aspects of the Mediator personality type, including a fierce protective streak. Many Mediators find that they can stand up for their friends in ways that they’d struggle to manage for themselves.

Although Mediators value their friendships, they also need personal space and alone time in order to recharge. At times, people with this personality type may withdraw from even their closest friends in order to reconnect with themselves and restore their energy, as all Introverts must. These departures are usually temporary, but Mediators may need to make sure that their friends don’t feel snubbed by their absence.

Even as their friendships grow stronger, Mediators’ enigmatic qualities never truly vanish.

Mediators look for ways to improve their friendships and share their affection with those who matter to them. Often, this takes the form of spending quality time with their friends – coming up with grand visions for the future and sharing their secret dreams and ideas with someone they know they can trust. But even when Mediators are entirely on their own, they always hold their friends in their hearts.

Parenthood

For Mediators (INFPs), life is a journey. But even as they find their own way through the world, these personalities feel called to help other people embark on their own journeys toward meaning, fulfillment, and happiness. In their understated, nondomineering way, Mediators love guiding others to learn and grow – and parenthood can be an incredibly rewarding opportunity for them to do exactly that.

From the start, Mediator parents aim to be warm, caring, and open-minded. People with this personality type delight in their children’s wide-eyed wonder at the world, and they want to give their children freedom – freedom to form their own opinions, discover their own interests, and grow into their unique selves. Mediator parents counterbalance these freedoms by creating a stable foundation of support and acceptance, in hopes that their children never forget just how much they are loved.

Sensitive and perceptive, Mediators attune themselves to their children’s needs and perspectives. They want to know their children as unique, multidimensional individuals rather than as projections of themselves.

Coping with Challenges

Mediators may enjoy raising free spirits, but that doesn’t mean that they’re totally hands-off. They want to teach key values to their children, including honesty, compassion, and the importance of caring for others. They also want their children to understand the meaning of personal responsibility, especially when it comes to not hurting others.

Like parents of any personality type, Mediator parents inevitably face challenges. They take their parenting responsibilities seriously, so it can feel like a personal failure when their children misbehave in ways both large and small. These personalities may be especially upset when they see their children behaving in ways that don’t seem considerate or ethical.

With their hyperactive consciences, Mediators may blame themselves for their children’s misbehavior, even when doing so isn’t reasonable or productive.

When their children do something wrong, Mediators may find themselves wondering, Have I failed as a parent? The danger here is that people with this personality type might become so focused on blaming themselves that they don’t establish appropriate consequences for their children’s actions. Discipline may not come easily to Mediators, but when balanced with their caring, gentle natures, it can become a powerful tool in their mission to teach their children the difference between right and wrong.

Balancing Structure with Spontaneity

Mediator parents naturally want to serve as good role models. They try to show their children the best side of themselves, keeping their problems, negative emotions, and frustrations under wraps. This can preserve a sense of harmony in the household, helping their children feel safe and cared for. By the same token, Mediators often try to shield their children from the greater problems in the world. This is certainly appropriate when their children are young, but eventually, Mediators need to find ways to talk through tougher issues with their kids.

Another hurdle for many parents with this personality type is establishing practical, day-to-day structures and rules for their children. Fortunately, Mediators can use their creative energy to impose boundaries without stifling their children’s curiosity and enthusiasm. These parents have a remarkable ability to put themselves in other people’s shoes, and this enables them to come up with schedules and rules that truly work for their children’s individual needs.

When they balance structure with spontaneity, Mediators can help their children grow into their most caring, responsible, and joyful selves. And that is exactly what these parents strive for – to raise children who recognize their unique gifts and talents and share them with the world.

Career Paths

Many Mediators (INFPs) long for a career that doesn’t just take care of the bills but also feels fulfilling. They want to spend their days doing something they genuinely love, preferably without too much stress or drama.

For Mediators, an ideal career path should feel like a calling, not just a job. And if it doesn’t involve too many draining social interactions or phone calls, so much the better.

Ever the idealists, Mediators might struggle to find a profession that meets their practical needs and fulfills their dreams. These personalities may drift in frustration, waiting for the perfect job to present itself and eventually feeling stuck or worried that they’re not living up to their potential.

Alas, there’s no such thing as a perfect job, and the question of whether to settle for a less-than-ideal position can weigh heavily on people with this personality type. Fortunately, Mediators’ creativity, independence, and sincere desire to connect with and help others can help them shine – and find fulfillment – in nearly any line of work.

A Place for Everyone

Certain careers and vocations seem to hold a special allure for these personalities. With their curiosity and their love of self-expression, many Mediators dream of becoming writers. They might write novels, seek out interesting freelance niches, or even find themselves doing communications in a corporate field or for a nonprofit organization. Richly imaginative, Mediators can infuse even the driest of fundraising or marketing materials with new life.

Sensitive to artistic beauty, some Mediators simply come to life in the worlds of writing, music, drama, or dance.

Although this personality type isn’t known for seeking the spotlight, other Mediators find their life purpose in the performing arts. These Mediators can draw from their inner depths to pull out exquisite interpretations of a creator’s work. They may also create their own works as playwrights, composers, or choreographers.

Whatever they do, Mediators want to feel that their work is helping others. It’s not surprising, then, that many people with this personality type choose careers that are focused on service, such as counseling, psychology, teaching, health care, social work, massage therapy, or physical rehabilitation. For these caring, supportive personalities, few things are more meaningful than seeing their work help change someone’s life for the better.

Finding Their Way

Mediators are adaptable, but they may find it demotivating to work in high-stress, bureaucratic, or hectic environments. They can also become frustrated by workplaces that are highly critical or competitive. Workplaces that reward independence tend to be a good fit for Mediators, although they may appreciate some structure and oversight to help them avoid procrastinating and getting lost in thought.

That said, Mediators don’t need ideal conditions to thrive professionally. These personalities want to live in tune with their values, in their careers as much as in any other aspect of their lives. They can put up with – and overcome – any number of challenges as they pursue a sense of mission in their work.

Workplace Habits

Mediators (INFPs) want to feel a sense of purpose in their work. Wherever they find themselves on the job ladder, they try to cultivate an emotional and moral connection to what they do – looking for reassurance that their day-to-day efforts are helping other people in some shape or form. This desire to be of service colors how Mediator personalities respond to authority in the workplace as well as how they express it.

Mediator Subordinates

As employees, Mediators tend to be loyal, upbeat, and considerate. They take pride in being honest and doing the right thing in all circumstances. People with this personality type also feel gratified by pleasing others, from their bosses to their customers. Mediators feel most motivated when they’re thinking up ways to help others, not worrying about checklists or bottom lines.

This explains why praise and positive feedback can make them light up. On the flip side, criticism can lead these personalities to shut down. When faced with punishing expectations or a highly negative boss, they may find it hard to get things done. Add the distraction of a constantly ringing phone or an overflowing inbox, and you have a recipe for a seriously stressed out Mediator.

Mediator employees enjoy having freedom and latitude. Their creativity and insight enable them to shake up old, ineffective ways of doing things – as long as they’re given the chance to speak up and make changes. That said, they tend to benefit from deadlines and clear expectations to keep them on track. Otherwise, people with this personality type might get caught up in procrastination, bouncing from one idea to another rather than settling down and crossing tasks off their to-do list.

Mediator Colleagues

Mediators value equality and fairness, so it’s no surprise that they can feel stifled by workplace hierarchies. They prefer professional environments where everyone feels valued and is encouraged to share their ideas – no matter their job title. As colleagues, Mediators do what they can to make this ideal a reality.

In their quiet way, Mediators can become the glue that holds their workplace together. Although their voice might not be the loudest, they are often admired for their insight, with coworkers routinely coming to them for advice. Pleasant and kindhearted, Mediators don’t like conflict, drama, or workplace politics. Instead, they try to act in ways that foster harmony and cooperation. When someone needs help, Mediators tend to pitch in without any expectation of praise or recognition.

One of Mediators’ greatest contributions as colleagues is their empathetic communication style. These personalities speak in a way that’s honest but kind, which can set a positive tone for the entire workplace.

Mediator Managers

As managers, Mediators are among the personality types least likely to act as if they’re in charge. They respect their employees as full-fledged human beings, not just as workers. Rather than make all the decisions themselves, Mediators often ask to hear their employees’ thoughts and opinions.

In general, people with this personality type don’t micromanage. Instead, they keep their eyes on the big picture. They see it as their responsibility to support their employees, not to tell them exactly what to do and how to do it. Whenever possible, they encourage the people who work for them to develop their own ideas and use their own best judgment.

There is a downside to this management style. Sometimes Mediators may struggle to set boundaries, drill down on inefficiencies, or offer criticism, even when it’s necessary. This can slow down their team and create needless stress, both for Mediators and for their employees. At times, managers with this personality type may need to be strict for the good of their team – and the workplace as a whole.

Conclusion

Few personality types are as poetic and kindhearted as Mediators (INFPs). With their unique gifts, Mediators can overcome all sorts of challenges and obstacles – and brighten the lives of those around them in the process.

Mediators’ creativity, imagination, and kindness prove to be invaluable in many areas, including their own personal growth.

Yet Mediators can be tripped up in areas where idealism and altruism are more of a liability than an asset. When it comes to finding (or keeping) a partner, making friends, pursuing a meaningful career, or planning for the future, people with this personality type may need to consciously develop their weaker traits and gain new skills – even as they draw on their many strengths.

The Secret Life of Mediators

What you have read so far is just an introduction into the complexity of the Mediator personality type. You may have muttered to yourself, “Wow, this is so accurate, it’s a little creepy,” or “Finally, someone understands me!” You may have even asked, “How do they know more about me than the people I’m closest to do?”

This is not a trick. You felt understood because you were. We’ve studied how Mediators think and what they need to reach their full potential. In the process, we’ve learned how people with your personality type can overcome even their greatest personal challenges.

But to overcome these challenges, you need to have a plan, a personal road map – a vision for where you want to head and why. In this introduction, you’ve learned how Mediators tend to behave in certain circumstances and what their key strengths and weaknesses are.

Here’s the truth: knowing and accepting yourself is the first step to moving forward and making positive changes in your life.

Moving Forward

Now that you’ve learned the basics, the next step on your self-discovery journey is your Premium Profile. Filled with Mediator-specific guidance and advice for every area of your life, from your career to your relationships, your Premium Profile will empower you to understand what it really means to be a Mediator – what it really means to be you. If you’re ready to create your own path through life, move on to the next section.